I have decided to make this blog as a way to better understand my discoveries and feelings that I obtain during my journey to become closer to God.
Writing has always been the best way for me to fully express myself. I find it much easier than speaking out loud. I think I'm more introvert, anyways. I CAN be loud and outgoing and overly friendly, but I'm usually more laid back and quiet. In all honesty, I'd rather be loud and outgoing all the time. But enough about that. Let's move on to more important things.
It all started on a hayride way back in 2008. I was a Christian, but I wasn't that interested in what the title meant. Anyways, me, my brother, and my friend got invited to go on a hayride with a church youth group. We went. We were basically ignored by everyone, since we weren't "in the click" yet, so me and my friend hung out mostly by ourselves. So there we were, sitting by the bonfire, when the guy that had invited us sat down beside me and started some small talk. We chatted for a bit, when suddenly their youth leader started talking.
"Amanda, say that prayer."
"What?"
"Just say repeat after *youth leader* in your head."
So I did. After the youth leader was done talking, the guy told me to go tell his youth leader that I'd said the prayer. Well, I did, and the youth leader burst into tears. I was trapped into a huge bear hug, and everyone, strangers, was praising me, thanking God, and shaking my hand or hugging me. I had NO idea what was so great, until I was finally able to get away from everyone and had a chance to talk to my friend.
"Oh Amanda, I'm so proud of you! I've always wondered if you were saved, but I never asked...."
I was saved now? What?! I instantly felt confused.
"I don't know why everyone's making such a big deal out of this. I'm not a bad person! I don't do bad things."
"Yeah, I know, but still...It's a really good thing."
I had basically been tricked into being saved. Is that the way it was done? By forcing someone into repeating a few words? After I got home, I told my parents what had happened. They weren't anymore thrilled about me being tricked into it than I was, but we did talk about what it meant to be truly saved. They told me that it was MORE than just repeating after someone. You have to truly mean what you say. You have to fully understand what you're doing and what it means. Only then will you feel the Spirit come over you, and only then will you know that you've been truly saved.
Well, I knew I wanted to be saved. The thought of Hell scared me way too much. I knew that I wanted to go to Heaven, and now I knew how to do so. It was a few weeks later, and me and my brother had gotten invited to the same church, except this time for the Fall revival. We had a pizza party, then a man came downstairs and preached to just the teens. He talked about salvation and how important it was. When the time came for us to bow our heads and pray, I prayed hard. I prayed that my life would be His, and that He would change me. I prayed that this time, it would feel different, and it did. I felt...better. That's such a meager word to describe it. I felt as though I had made a difference though, but I also felt like it was going to take some work to stay that way.
Months passed, and we started going to First Baptist Church. I was beginning to learn more about everything. I was reading the Bible, I was praying more than I ever had in my life, and I was feeling more included(by this time, our best friends were going to the church too. They were the ones who invited us to start coming regularly after they said it seemed to be a good church, and it seemed so much easier to fit in with them there).
The church has opened me up to many new experiences, which I will forever be thankful for. Fellowship, support, travel, worship, singing, etc. It's amazing.
One thing that we've done together as a youth group that's really meant a lot to me if when we all went to Centrifuge this past Summer. Centrifuge is a Christian camp unlike any other. EVERYTHING has to do with worshiping and living for Jesus Christ. Even the fun games and outside obstacles(like climbing over walls and trust falling) had something to do with God. It was there that I obviously heard God speaking to me for the first time, and it was amazing. It was so easy to hear and worship Him there, whenever everyone and everything are such good Christian examples. It was really a "monkey see, monkey do" sort of thing. It was so hard to NOT feel at peace there. I really miss it, but ever since we've came back, I haven't been the same. I try so much harder to please Him. I have a quiet time almost every day(i'm still working on having it everyday). I pray way longer and harder than I ever have in my life and I'm much more sincere.
Sometimes I'm moved to tears by how strongly I feel while praying. It's just such a wonderful feeling to know that I'm being heard by someone so amazing and indescribable as the great God Almighty.
Anyways, this is how I am now. I hope to gain more through studying and prayer and encouragement. I'll try to post whenever I feel something should be shared.
♥, A.
